#36 Being Okay Enough

#35 The Last Day of Summer

Today, we celebrated the very last day of summer with our final family barbecue.

Matt and I brought apple chicken sausages and salad to the elder Hannah's, while Zack walked over from working at the cider mill down the street with fresh doughnuts. Matt's mom made mac and cheese, and his dad grilled burgers. Amos ate the grapes off the table.

We all ate on the back porch and drank in this last, gorgeous day. I curled up on the back porch and finished my book while Zack, Matt and his dad played cards at the table. It was a perfect, peaceful evening before the chaos of the first day of school that will follow in a few short hours.

Looking back, this has been one of the most rejuvenating, best summers of my adult life. Sure, it definitely wasn't the most adventurous, or even interesting. But that was exactly what I needed. I've spent so much time going going going, even when I've been depressed, exhausted, angry, and just plain spent. But I needed to make my only goal of the summer to read at least ten books and to water my flowers. It was exactly what I needed, peppered in with the trip to Hawaii and the excitement of buying a house. A great summer. I feel a little like my old self again, filled with optimism and ready to start the school year.

Honorable Mention:

• My last late afternoon nap for a looooong time

#34 Being Obsessive

I admit, I'm a book nerd.

But my love for novels extends to an obsessive level for series and sagas. And one step further? Science fiction.

So when I started reading The Hunger Games, I knew I wouldn't be able to stop until I finished reading the entire trilogy as fast as possible.

Oh, sure, I'm like that with all series. I read the first one casually and then devour the rest as fast as I can until I'm finished and (usually) satisfied, although a little sad. I think about them when I'm not reading them. And I text my friends that have read them with my undying love for the characters.

I read the entire Percy Jackson and the Olympians series when I was on spring break last year. My house went to hell and we ran out of toilet paper and food. When we moved into the house we live in currently, I was in the middle of reading the Twilight saga. I would secretly hide in corners of the house pretending to "unpack" so that Matt wouldn't get mad at me.

So now, as usual, I find myself ripping through these books. But I'm loving the distraction, as well as the plot. I feel like I deserve this last weekend of pure reading marathon status since I start seeing students this week. Or maybe I just deserve it just because.

Honorable Mentions:

• Fresh, warm cider mill doughnuts and cider
• An awesome, productive Change Exchange meeting this evening

#33 Sleep Overs

Yesterday, Keri and I decided to spend the evening being miserable together.

Although I didn't end up being miserable at all, which is the great thing about great friends. We ate mac and cheese, played Lego Harry Potter on the Wii, and watched ghost stories on TV. All-in-all, a pretty successful evening.

I really loved having the company and having some definitely-needed fun, even if it was just video games and TV. Sometimes that's all you really need to perk back up again and feel restored.

Honorable Mention:

• A beautiful, breezy fall day and wearing a cardigan

#32 Your Best Friend

I've known Keri for twelve years.

I have a lot of really amazing people in my life. But I know who to turn to when things get really rough. And Keri is always number one. This is because her tactic is complete honesty, which is what I almost always need.

I've been through some pretty tough stuff, especially in the last three years. Dark subject matter that was (and sometimes still is) all-consuming and downright depressing. I've always felt older than a lot of my friends, because I feel like I've flown through a lot of life's sad, but inevitable, milestones already. And I feel alone a lot because of that, like my own little island. I can sense that a lot of my friends don't know what to say to me over some of these things, and they get uncomfortable. So I try not to talk about it, or I keep it lighter than what I really feel. I don't blame them. I just know it's hard for them to understand what it's like to be on my little piece of the world right now.

But with Keri, I've hit friend gold. Because even though she also doesn't completely understand, she's the first to admit that. She's completely honest, and instead of constantly trying to look at the positive for me when I'm ranting and crying and pissed at life, she will be the first one to say, "I don't know what to tell you."

But I love that she admits that. Because really, when someone is so depressed and angry about things out of their control, they don't really want someone telling them to look on the bright side. At that moment, the "bright side" is that they aren't completely suicidal... yet. And that's about it. I love that Keri acknowledges that and then just listens. Which is all anyone really ever wants, anyway.

So today, I'm thankful for Keri's awesome listening skills. And for the fact that she keeps listening, even after my many emotional relapses. Thanks. I love you.

#31 Rainy Days

Whenever the sun is out for long stretches, I immediately miss the rain.

Rainy, cloudy weather is my absolute favorite. I love the salty smell of fresh rain, the rolling gray skies, warm drizzle on the window panes, foggy mornings after a storm... Mmm.

I have two favorite things to do while it's raining.

1. Write in my office. I love to sit at my big, oak desk that faces the window and listen to the rain. I flick on the tiny lamp in the corner and sit in the dim room with a mug of tea or cinnamon coffee and tap on the computer keys. In fact, I look at the weather report and plan time at my desk around the impending rain.

2. Silent reading at school. I used to looooove when it rained while I was in school as a kid. Our teacher would let us snuggle into bean bag chairs or sprawl across the floor while we read and listened to the rain. So I get nostalgic when it rains while I'm (still) at school and I can let my students snuggle into my frog chair and read some Amelia Bedelia.

Today, however, I got to do my third favorite rainy day thing, which is nap. So Amos and I snuggled down on the couch with the fleece blanket. I cracked the window just enough to hear the rain, and we were out for the count.

Honorable Mention:

• Matt getting home early from work and settling in for a night of DVR'ed shows and movies with me

#30 A Home Away from Home

I spent ten hours at work today.

With meetings all morning, I was starting to get worried that I wouldn't finish setting up my room by Open House at six.

So after lunch, I scrambled to put things away, organize cabinets, and make it comfy. I finished just in time, and I finally feel ready to start the school year.

I know this week has consisted of all things elementary school related, but I continue to find myself grateful for this job everyday. And also, frankly, it's all I've had time to think about since Monday. But tomorrow is a half-day, followed by a four day weekend. I'll be sipping tea, reading, and pondering all of the other awesome things in my life that got neglected during this transition.

Honorable Mentions:

• Pumpkin Spice Lattes are officially at Starbucks today. Fall is here!
• My school being on page ONE of the Michigan Schools Top to Bottom ranking. Fifty schools on a page, fifty-seven pages (you do the math) and we're ranked among the best. Look for Workman Elementary fourth from the bottom here.

#29 The Teacher Store

Quick post today as I'm still battling a sore throat, on top of the exhaustion that comes with the first week back at work.

I spent about two hours at The Teacher Store today in Livonia. The line was literally around the corner, and I have to say, I seriously considered not purchasing my multiplication grid and alphabet stamps.

But, I waited. And enjoyed the company of Zack, who tagged along to get some free markers out of the deal. So today, I'm grateful for both the awesomeness that is The Teacher Store, and for my brother for waiting in line with me, without complaining once.

#28 Piecing It All Together

I started work today. And really, I couldn't be happier about it.

I spent eight hours unpacking my classroom and organizing files, rearranging furniture and buying new rugs at IKEA on my lunch hour.

It felt so good to look at some of the things I packed up from the middle school and throwing them in the recycling bin, never to be seen again. Relief.

I'm definitely not finished with this project, though. I haven't put up my bulletin boards or pictures. I need new posters for my cabinets. I've gotta figure out what the heck to do with that enormous, gray recycling bin hanging out at the edge of my desk.

Open House is Wednesday, and I know I need to finish by then. But I took "breaks" in my unpacking to go to pick out a new coffeemaker with Kaarina or to chat with the new teacher down the hall. Jim, my boss, stopped in a few times to joke about my epic finish of the Yahoo! crossword puzzle when all of my kids were on a field trip one day. Or just to say how happy he was that I'm back working for him.

So I'm grateful today for all of the distractions, kind words, and fun I had at work. After being in a job that was emotionally, mentally, and physically tough, I can now appreciate this job so much more.

Honorable Mention:

• Watching a TV marathon with Zack in the evening, while snuggling in blankets

#27 Tea and Naps

I knew this day would come.

I knew I would run into a day where I would have trouble finding something to be thankful for. I woke up exhausted, and did absolutely nothing on my list.

I had a really sore throat, probably from sleeping with my mouth hanging open all night and the fan on. So I spent all day with a cup of tea and honey in between afternoon naps.

I've been in a cranky mood all day. Why am I sick the day before I go back to work when I haven't been sick all summer? Poor, poor me.

But after thinking about it for awhile, I'm really grateful that I feel this tired and sick the day before work. Because I could this last day of vacation napping and recovering, guilt-free.

Honorable Mention:

• An impromptu from my friend Erin A., who I haven't seen in months

#26 Back to School Shopping

The day started with me jumping up and down on Zack's bed singing, "Back to school! Back to school! To show my mother I'm not a fool!"

Back to school shopping always makes me a little giddy. New clothes, fresh folders and crisp paper. I used to wait all summer for this day when I was younger. In fact, I still do.

Zack and I went to a delicious lunch at Max and Erma's this afternoon, followed by a couple of hours of back to school shopping. We broke for a nap, picked up Keri, and went for another couple of hours. It was such a blast.

I, of course, got some things too (I'm going back to school too!). Some adorable cardigans, and um -cough- four pairs of shoes later, I'm ready to start work on Monday.

Honorable Mentions:

• a yummy caramel latte
• getting FORTY dollars off at Kohl's with my coupon

#25 The Pug Nugget

Another gorgeous Michigan day.

I went to lunch at the Thai place in downtown Plymouth this afternoon. Since I knew I'd be in the company of other pug lovers, my friends Deb and Tracy, I decided to bring Amos along for a little adventure.

We went for a long car ride, and it was hysterical to see his ears blowing in the wind with the upper half of his body hanging out the passenger window.

He loved laying in the shade on the patio, but got lonely down there by himself, and jumped into my lap for part of the meal.

But then there was the best part of the day. The Doggie Bakery.

Amos picked out peanut butter cookies and vanilla "foam", which looks like cool whip in a jar for dogs. This picture is the aftermath of foam. And the picture below is the result of one two many cookies.

My dog is the best dog. He is so much fun to take on little adventures, and everyone loves to coddle him. I'm so lucky I saw his little face on PetFinder 5 years ago and knew he was the one!

#24 The Perfect Day

Today was the most beautiful day here in Michigan.

It was the perfect mix of the end of summer and the start of fall. The air was crisp with a cool breeze, but the sun was shining and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. A perfect, breezy 72 degrees.

I sat in this very comfy chair that Matt bought me in June to bring in my summer vacation. With a stack of books beside me, I was in heaven. The butterfly bush in the backyard made for good scenery as I watched at least a dozen butterflies flit across the patio.

Books. Chair. Gorgeous weather. Perfection.

Honorable Mention:

• Making delicious veggie tacos for dinner

#23 Offer Accepted

We got the house on Sunflower!

After a few tense days of wheeling and dealing with the owners (or should I say previous owners), they accepted our offer this morning.

I called to make an appointment for the inspection, which has to happen within the next seven days. They told me the only opening they had was for... today. In five hours. So we scrambled and had the three hour inspection this afternoon.

Bad News: We're going to need a new roof in a year or two.

Good News: Everything else is new and works fabulously

The roof is a bummer, but nothing that won't kill us. So now I feel like the house is really ours. Like we really own it. Holy crap. We really own it.

A few more steps to go. Our meeting with the bank, appraisal, and closing. And then we wait until move in time in November... while picking out new furniture.

Honorable Mention:

• Not having to call a mulligan and actually unpacking my classroom this morning

#22 Super Glue

My in-laws went out of town. My brother in-law had a party. His drunk friend broke their expensive lamp. Ah, youth.

I spent my afternoon at the elder Hannahs' house, testing various forms of super glue and ceramic glaze while my brother-in-law ran around sucking up shards of porcelain with the vacuum. The clock was ticking. T-minus two hours until their plane landed.

James made a quick trip to Jo Ann's and came back with "instant bonding" super glue. Ten minutes later I re-attached the lamp to its base and installed a new lightbulb just in time for James to jet out the door to pick them up.

The whole experience made me giggle. As I held the lamp together, I remembered my most prominent experience with the phenomena that is super glue. I had a party at my dad's house in high school. Thirty minutes into it, someone broke the three foot-tall ceramic sheepdog my mom had painted. It was ugly as sin. But I remember working against the ticking clock to piece it together. Ear here. Nose goes here. Hide the cracks.

Then I thought about how grateful I am that I'm not in that stage of my life anymore. It made for great memories that I think of fondly. But I'm so happy that I don't have big parties when my parents aren't home. I love the simplicity of coming home after a long day, snuggling on the couch with Matt, and passing out by 10 on a good night. Blissful complacency.

...But that doesn't mean I still don't honor and respect the power of super glue.

Honorable Mentions:

• (Almost) finishing my sewing project
• Chicken nuggets and honey!

#21 Calling a Mulligan

I woke up, went into work for a couple of hours, and then decided to call a mulligan on the day.

For those of you who don't know what a mulligan is, check out this post on 1000 Awesome Things and laugh your ass off. It's definitely my favorite.

My two hours at work were obscenely unsuccessful. Instead of putting things in file folders and unpacking my classroom, Kaarina and I walked around the school catching up with everyone from summer. I literally did not touch a box.

So I went home, and threw myself back in bed by 11 o'clock, only to restart the day two hours later.

Ironically, I saw this van while out driving during my second attempt at the day... and laughed out loud. Today I'm grateful for the opportunity to restart my day when it doesn't turn out the way I anticipated. Because in one short week from now, I won't be able to call a mulligan without getting in trouble with my boss.

Honorable Mentions:

• Skipping out on grocery shopping for above mentioned mulligan
• Feeling the excitement of starting work again

#20 The Perfect Breakfast Place

Today started out with a hangover... for Matt.

So after we rolled out of bed in the late AM, Matt and I decided to go for Sunday breakfast with Bennett at The Gathering Place in downtown Northville. It's a tiny little restaurant in a house that makes the most delicious potato hash and Georgia maple pecan waffles. The three of us sat at the table, drinking coffee and reading the Sunday paper while the sunlight dripped in through the window panes.

Matt has been there before, but this was my first experience with this place. And it was pure bliss. The clinking of glasses, the sunlight warm on my hands as I flipped through the paper. Sitting at the corner table with the paper tablecloth, each in our own worlds in our own section of the paper. Reading the headliners between mouthfuls of maple syrup heaven. Our waiter was a friend of ours, so he often filled our mugs and took a seat with us while we reminisced over the events of the previous night and the source of the headaches. A perfect morning.

Honorable mention:

• Lazy Sundays fulls of TV marathons and mugs of teas

#19 House Hunting Part Two

Here's the shower... of a house we aren't getting.

Matt and I went to look at seven more houses this afternoon. We saw a lot of adorable houses, and some not so adorable ones.

My heart is still desperately in love with the house on Sunflower, even after seeing all the others. The Sunflower house is growing on Matt now too, but he happens to be in love with a different house. We're taking the next couple of days to think about it before we make any big decisions.

Either way, I'm really happy and grateful for this experience. It's going smoothly, and we've really enjoyed it so far.

On that note, I have to cut my thoughts short this evening and go help my husband stumble up the stairs to bed. One two many drinks at a barbecue and he's suddenly scream-singing to Total Eclipse of the Heart on the car ride home.

Honorable Mention:

• Good friends and good food at a housewarming barbecue

#18 House Hunting Part One

I had to steal a picture off of the Internet to use today to symbolize my house hunting excursion.

We went to look at the adorable house on Sunflower Street with the red door and white picket fence today. The one I swear was a part of my dream.

I am soooo in love with this house. Just about as in love as anyone can be with an inanimate object. In all of my giddiness, I forgot to take pictures to post!

It had hard wood floors and a master suite, with a little nook room attached to the bedroom. It has tons of bay windows, two big bathrooms, and a nice deck to barbecue on in the summer. And trees. Lots of trees.

However, Matt is not in love with this house. He loves it well enough, I guess. But he isn't thrilled with the idea that it's two houses down from my aunt and uncle. I think he just wants a little space between us and the fam. Which is understandable. He's using the fact that he'll have to take down the wallpaper and eventually tile the bathroom floors as an excuse not to buy it.

Funny enough, I got a call from Kim, our realtor, late last night. She said that the house on Sunflower could only be shown today because the owners were going out of town until Tuesday. Ironically, Matt found out he had the day off of work today late last night as well so that we could go look at the house. Hmmm... divine intervention? I wonder.

We'll go on our House Hunting Part Two expedition tomorrow, where we'll see seven more houses (I will take pictures). Maybe something else will catch my eye and Matt will be saved of having to live down the street from my family, if he's lucky.

#17 A Round-Trip Ticket to (Almost) Anywhere

I got this delicious bit of mail today.

As you'll notice, I have over 27,000 frequent flyer miles with American Airlines. I actually found out about this via email two days ago, and decided to play around with flights online to see where I could go. I assumed the farthest I'd be traveling on AA's dime would be to central Florida.

Oh no, I was fortunately mistaken. This letter came today, along with a list of places I can travel to with these kind of miles. And (drumroll) I can go to anywhere within the continental US! This doesn't apply during high travel seasons, like Thanksgiving or Christmas.... but who cares?!

This is incredibly exciting to me. A free flight! Never mind that all of these miles came from two years worth of travel to Africa, Hawaii, San Diego, and twice to New York. A free flight!

Honorable Mention:

• Impromptu lunch with Dad at the diner

#16 Being Pampered

Today I decided to change color.

I went to my hair salon and decided that I wanted to go back to a chocolate brown color instead of the usual golden blonde highlights. It's been about two years since my hair has been this dark (see profile pic!)

But Susie, who is my hair stylist and friend, did a fantastic job and the brown locks in the picture to the left are the result of her awesomeness. Also, because I'm one of her regulars, Susie sent her assistant to the Starbucks down the street to get me a passionfruit iced tea while I got my hair done. Mmmm.

It's good to be a full-blown brunette again. I feel more like myself than I have in a long time.

Honorable Mentions:

• Baking (and eating) delicious apple cinnamon cupcakes
• Making dinner for a good friend's weekly visits

A Little Note of Love

This post takes a step outside of my gratitude project. I didn't know how to incorporate it into something I'm thankful for today when really my heart feels heavy over its loss.

Early this morning, my friend Dave passed away from cancer. My heart hurts, but I really do believe that there is something better for him now than a hospital bed and a heavy cough.

I'm trying to find the gratitude in the loss. And I find myself feeling grateful for his companionship, for his bluntness, and for the fact that I had him in my life, even for a short time. Finally, I'm grateful for someone up there giving me that dream about him last night. And I know he's okay.

#15 Making Something for Your Family

This morning, I finished the Michigan State tie blanket that Amos napped on after his walk.

My family loves these fleece blankets, but I've always made them in Hello Kitty or otherwise feminine designs. So I used my teacher discount and made an MSU one in time for football season.

Zack napped with it this afternoon, Amos this evening, and Matt is snuggling with it now while watching a movie. I love making little things like this that become part of the whole family, passed from one person (or pet) to the next.

Honorable Mention:

• The feeling of realizing that this trip to the gym was easier than the last

#14 Being in Love with Your Job

I've always thought that I wouldn't be a teacher throughout my

entire 35 years in the workforce. I figured I'd finish my Masters in Counseling, and then move on to something else from there. There's not a particular reason why I feel this way; except for the desire to try something new.

But today, right here and right now, I know I'm in the right job for this moment. And I'm so grateful that I love it.

I'm Facebook friends with one of my eighth grade (well, now ninth grade) students from last year. I literally just adore her. She told me at the end of the year that she wanted to be a writer more than anything, and that she wanted me to read her work. Today, I sent her a link to NaNoWriMo's Young Writer's Program. It's a challenge to write an entire novel in the month of November. I told her that I would do the adult version with her then if she wanted some support. She was so excited I sent her the link, and was happy to sign up for it with me.

In this same day, I thought of one of my favorite teachers. Zack encouraged me to look for her on Facebook after I signed up for the writing contest with Laura. Well.. I found her! And I wrote her a message about how I still thought about her occasionally, and how she inspired me to teach creative writing to students with special needs. She sent me a very sweet message back.

It's amazing how you never forget those very special teachers. And how (as cliche as this sounds) they can literally change your life. I'm hoping that Laura will remember me and this writing challenge for a long time, and I hope that she's inspired to take her writing further... and that she knows someone supports her.

Honorable Mentions:

• The first leaves falling from the trees
• Getting our mortgage pre-approval letter today!

#13 Thoughtful Surprises

Yesterday, I got to read in bed while Matt and Zack cleaned up the garden. Three hours and two trips to Home Depot later, it looks amazing. But after they finished, I noticed they'd pulled up the plant from the pot on the front porch and left an empty, gaping hole. I mentioned to Matt that I would take another trip to the store tomorrow and get something for fall.

This morning, as I walked out the front door, these little gold mums were sitting in my pot. Matt had bought them for me as a surprise before he left for the day.

For anyone that knows Matt, they know he's not the best at surprises. He shows his love by washing my car, running errands or mopping the kitchen floor. So I get extra giddy when a little surprise shows up on my doorstep.

Honorable Mentions:

• Taking my mother-in-law out for an afternoon movie
• New secrets on Post Secret

#12 Turning Dreams into Reality

I had a dream last night. Then I urged Matt to call our mortgage broker today.

Matt and I live in an adorable condo in Northville. It's in the perfect location, three bedrooms, two baths, an upstairs and a partially finished basement, a patio and a garden.

Over the years we've lived here, we've been extremely satisfied. We've painted the walls in warm colors called Baby Duck, Easter Egg and Skylark. We've had barbecues, sleepovers, and New Years celebrations. We've hung stockings from the mantle at Christmas.

Matt and I always figured that we'd eventually buy a house in the neighborhood. But we were never in a rush. We just figured that one day, we'd know when the time was right.

Then I started dreaming.

I had a dream last month that Matt and I were walking through a house, considering whether to buy it or not. A small voice kept whispering in my ear as I creaked through the kitchen. Make sure there's enough space. Make sure the carpet is soft. I finally walked out onto a big beautiful deck in the backyard and found myself facing an acre of woods. Make sure there's a tree in the backyard. I need a treehouse. I looked behind my shoulder and said, "Don't worry. There are lots of trees." Then I woke up.

I began casually searching for houses the next day on the Internet. Almost immediately, I found a house that looked vaguely familiar. I scrolled through the pictures. The hardwood kitchen floor. The soft, beige carpet. The big, beautiful deck... backing up into an acre of woods. This was the exact house I had been walking through in my dream.

It's for sale. And it's price just came down... so that it now falls within our budget.

I'm a believer in dreams. I'm a believer that there is some meaning there. Especially when they come repeatedly. This dream happened only once, so I just told myself that the house would still be on the market if we were meant to have it. But I found myself looking it up every couple of days. Still no buyer.

Last night, I dreamt about this house again. This time, the owners were walking us through and showing us some hideous wallpaper in the living room. I remember thinking, "So that's why this place hasn't sold yet. Good thing Matt is really good with taking down wallpaper."

That's when my eyes popped open. I rolled over and told Matt to call Bank of America. Today. He did. And we filled out the preliminary paperwork for a mortgage and were assigned to our broker, Chris. We still have many more steps to go in the process, but I know we're doing this at the right time. And I have a feeling we won't be "looking" for that long.

#11 Well-Earned Boredom

About two hours ago I was pacing the living room, looking for something to do.

I officially finished (my portion) of Hannah House Overhaul. In the past nine days, I've gone room by room, closet by over-flowing closet, and purged everything not nailed down. The place is as organized and clean as it's ever been, two weeks before work starts up again.

I spent all afternoon at my sewing lesson, and then found myself at 3pm with nothing to do. Literally nothing. I thought about weeding the garden. No, that's the boys' job tomorrow. I thought about making another cheesecake. No, takes too long. Finally, I decided there was nothing I could do besides... relax.

So now I find myself snuggling in my soft bedding with my Mac for blogging, a new book of short stories, the first season of Glee, and a hot cup of tea. And now... to settle into this spot for the rest of the night.

Honorable Mentions:

• Blaring "Don't Stop Believin'" as remade by Glee in the Jeep while driving Zack around
• Waking up at 2am to find my husband and brother-in-law watching the Discovery Channel on the couch, and making us all late-night strawberry shortcake

#10 Remembering Someone You Love

This is a picture of my mom and dad.

I found this picture while I was finishing cleaning the basement today. It took many more days than I had planned, mostly because as I stumbled across little bits of my what used to be my mom, I caught my breath a little... and took a moment to remember her.

I used to be really angry with my mom. As I picked up the aftermath of what she left behind, I used to have conversations with her in my head. Why couldn't you have been responsible? Why couldn't you have been a better person? A better mother?

I stayed angry for a long time. When I ran, I thought about her. My anger fueled me to run faster, further, longer, harder. I thought about her mistakes when I scrubbed the tub. Organized the garage. Prayed. Listened. Slept.

I left the last of her things in boxes in my office and basement, refusing to look at them for two years. I finally brushed a layer of dust off the first box five days ago. I had begun my entire overhaul of the Hannah House, and I knew as I was clearing space in our home, that I had to clear space inside of my heart, too.

I threw a lot of it away, but I kept pictures, her journal, and grocery lists just so I could see her handwriting... to prove that she once was here. I kept her collection of angels. I found a small, knitted angel nestled between her clothes and set it on my bookshelf. Today, as I was cleaning the basement, I found the matching angel she had given me nestled between my clothes.

And then, just like that, I decided I wasn't angry anymore.

I don't know how that happened. Or why. I've been trying years to stop being angry. But something just clicked today. And I got over it. I spent the rest of the afternoon fondly remembering her smile through old pictures; her generosity by the size of the list of presents she planned to buy for Christmas; her life through the memories her friends pooled together for her memorial.

My gratitude today comes from a place deep within my heart. I'm grateful that I can really love my mom for what she was instead of I wanted her to be. I'm grateful that there's a space in my heart that can be filled with new love instead of anger. I'm grateful that I can tell my children about her with fondness.

#9 Gooey Grilled Cheese with Good Friends

I had the best grilled cheese today.

But even better was the company I kept while inhaling four slices of gooey, cheesy heaven on wheat. I met up with my friends Kaarina and Jenn today at Dilly Dally Deli.

Although Kaarina and I often meet up there for fun, today's meeting had a purpose. We met with Jenn for our first "unofficial" work meeting of a school year to talk new kids and new school technology. I found myself getting excited while we were brainstorming all of the great things we wanted to do this year with our kids. I'm so incredibly grateful that I get to return to this school, this job, with these people. It's always an amazing experience being around people that light a fire in you to be better than you are.

Honorable Mention:

• My husband coming home in the middle of the day from work and finishing all of my errands for me

#8 Early Morning Walks in the Fog

My eyes popped open at 6:30 this morning. I had only slept about four hours, but I had felt the eyes of the pug on me while I slept, waiting patiently for breakfast.

I nudged Matt to feed him. Matt rolled away from me. Amos jumped on my chest and pushed his nose against my forehead. Fiiiiine. I'm up.

After breakfast, I decided to take Amos on an early morning walk through the neighborhood. Usually, we take our walks just before dark, when the day is cool enough for little pugs. But I knew this would be our only opportunity to walk today.

The sidewalk and streets were covered in fog, the grass was dewy. And it was utterly and completely silent. No cars. No people. No construction. Just the click of pug nails and the shuffle of one set of flip flops on the concrete. It was a bliss.

Honorable Mentions:

• Help from a computer genius with technical website difficulties
• Berry pancakes for dinner

A Week of Gratitude in Review

I had a meditation teacher tell me one time that in order to get that which we desire, we must act like it's already ours. Here's a mix of my theory and her theory on this:

I think that everything in the Universe is made up of energy, even our thoughts, fears, and desires. If we just sit around waiting for what we want to come by putting our lives on hold until we receive it, the energy of our desire becomes stagnant. It hangs in the air, waiting for movement. By putting ourselves on pause we actually slow down the process of receiving.

But if we put out our desires into the Universe -and then let it go- we create motion. As long as we're living our lives in a way that is beneficial to our soul's desires and purpose, as long as we're making headway in life while stopping to be grateful along the way, we'll eventually attract everything that we want or need. Or so the theory goes.

I put my life on hold this entire past year. I always said to myself, "when this happens" or "when I get this" then I'll start doing all the things I want to do.

Stagnation.

But coming up with this blog was the best idea I've had in over a year. Instead of waiting for something miraculous to show up on my doorstep, I started being grateful for each day, and in turn motivated to create a great day for myself.

Motion.

In the seven, simple days I've been doing this, I've already noticed an influx of energy and unexpected gifts from the Universe. I've already made headway on The List. Sometime last month, I put a thought out into the stars that I wanted a new computer. Sure, my old one blew up on me this week. But I got a new one. And backed up all of my stuff in the nick of time to boot. I sent a little plea to somehow get my dress back. And lo' and behold, it showed up on my doorstep. Three weeks late, but still perfectly in tact. I wanted to fit back into my jeans from last summer. Somehow, I found the motivation to try harder and harder yoga classes. I sent the thought out that I wanted some new life to flow back into the nonprofit I run after six months of stagnation. Just this week, the website is being completely overhauled, and we got a slot in a big project with over 45 other organizations in November, along with a big donation.

We'll just have to see what next week -and this next year- bring. It can only get better from here!

#7 Watching Something You've Planted Bloom

Today is such a gloomy day, which in itself I'm grateful for. Gloomy days give me a perfect excuse to sit and write or read in my bed without feeling guilty.

I let Amos out into the backyard this afternoon, in preparation for the incoming drizzle. When I stepped outside I noticed five Monarch butterflies flitting around my blooming butterfly bush!

This may not seem that exciting. However, I planted this bush last summer, when it was just a tiny thing. It never bloomed. I know that when you first plant a perennial, it sometimes won't bloom the first season. But I kept wondering if I had done something wrong, especially since my lilac had bloomed.

This summer, it grew taller than my fence and bloomed with bright purple flowers. And it even stuck to its name by attracting all of those butterflies into my yard.

Honorable Mention:

• Finishing all of my errands, even after painful dental work. And then rewarding myself with a nap
• Looking everywhere for the perfect plant for my bedroom, giving up, and then unexpectedly finding one

#6 Getting Kicked Out of Yoga Class

I'm in the middle of sampling all the varieties of yoga the gym has to offer. I really do love yoga (not so much while I'm unbearably uncomfortable, but more so when I say "Namaste" and I get to leave). I love it for the challenge, and I love it for the way I feel afterward.

Today I tried Yin Yoga. Apparently, this type of yoga focuses on finding the feminine, or "yin", energies within us that are often missed. Instead of fluid motion, this practice works on opening up the back, hips, and legs by holding (very uncomfortable) positions for a loooooong time. Imagine your face crammed against your leg for six minutes. Without shifting to make yourself more comfortable. Six minutes suddenly becomes an eternity.

The instructor, one I had never met before, kept coming over to me to adjust my body position. I normally hate when they do this. Just leave me alone and let me Zen out, for God's sake! But actually, this instructor came over to ask me how flexible I was. I said, "I dunno" and shrugged my shoulders. He then told me that I was much more flexible than I thought, and kept coming over to me to challenge me into harder positions than the rest of the class. Although I didn't particularly like being singled out, I did appreciate the acknowledgement of my Gumby-ness.

At the end of class, he made an announcement that super flexible people probably didn't need this class, especially if they could sit cross-legged for long periods of time (I can do this). Then he looked at me and smiled.

I'm tempted to still go back to this class next week, because I enjoyed it. And also, I always run in the middle of the pack in yoga class, so it's kind of nice knowing I was better than everyone else today... (I know, lame!). But I think I'll try something else next Sunday. Either way, I'm grateful that he inadvertently kicked me out of his class.

Honorable Mention:

• Eating delicious, greasy Thai food leftovers... immediately after yoga class
• A hot bath with white sage

#5 Unexpected Mail

Three weeks ago, Matt and I went on the best vacation either of us has been on. After spending a blissful eight days in Hawaii, I boarded an airplane thinking I would never see my new favorite dress.

Just a week earlier, I had bought a ruffled, gray dress from Anthropologie... and got it half off! And seven days later, I left it in a closet on Waikiki.

Today, I very unexpectedly received this dress in the mail, all the way from Oahu, after I had already mourned its loss. AND, on top of that, I also received my MSU football tickets, two weeks earlier than expected. Truly a great mail day.

Honorable Mentions:

• Watching my brother perform after a week of hard work
• Finishing a big cleaning project, all in one morning

#4 Free Sewing Lessons

My grandma is a genius at all things that involve thread and needle.

She has spent the better part of 60 years getting to know over 15 different sewing machines. She's made blankets, embroidered picture frames, dresses, hats, sweaters, and even couch covers. Now, she's passing the torch... to me.

Today I had my first, official sewing lesson with my grandma. She was patient as I threaded her 2000 dollar machine incorrectly and caused a big jam. She laughed when I poked her with pins as she held the material for me. She even cheered me on when I sloooowly sewed my first patch on a blanket while whining that it was too hard. I'm lucky to learn from a woman like this.

Honorable Mention:

• Cleaning a cluttered room from top to bottom and throwing away three garbage bags full of junk.

#3 A Sanctuary in My Backyard

A couple of months ago Matt and I decided to take the dog for a quick walk. I initially thought we would take a quick stroll around our quiet neighborhood. But I was surprised when Matt abruptly turned in the opposite direction of the slanted sidewalk and walked directly between two maples.

Little did I know, there is actually a narrow, muddy path that winds its way through this gorgeous scenery within a 30 second walk from my backdoor.

I hadn't revisited the path again until today, sans dog. I immediately noticed the pure noiselessness of the place. Utter silence. I even took a seat on a log in the middle of the path and listened. Nothing. Void. Sheer emptiness. I couldn't remember the last time I had actually heard silence. I don't know if I ever have.

Places like this remind me that there is so much beauty surrounding us, at every waking moment, in every corner of the Earth. I'm blessed to have this sanctuary right beside me, and I'm inspired to keep looking for others in everyday life.

Honorable Mentions:

• Going to a completely unique, challenging, and rewarding yoga class
• Napping during a quick afternoon rainstorm while sleepily being aware of the pitter-patter on the window pane

#2 Remembering to Do Something Tedious... And Watching It Pay Off!

I woke up this morning, wrapped in my comfy sheets, and remembered my gratitude journal. My mind started racing with the possibilities of the day; what wonderful things would come my way? What would I write about?

I sat down on my couch and opened my laptop in anticipation of the day. Gray screen. Okay. I shut it down. Waited. Turned it back on. Gray screen... this time accompanied by a bewildered, furiously blinking question mark, as if to ask, "Hey (blink) Moron (blink) Where's (blink) Your (blink) Stuff? (blink)"

Gratitude was not the first thought in my mind.

I begrudgingly began to transfer hard-fought money from savings into checking as I looked on the Apple website. I muttered and moaned about my misfortune. If oooonnnly I had backed up my files on a regular basis. I couldn't even remember the last time I had dusted off the ol' hard drive.

I spent the afternoon in the Apple store, and over 1k later, I sighed as I slipped my new computer from the package. Bittersweet. I plugged in the dusty hard drive in anticipation of vast nothingness only to find... all of my files. In fact, sometime in the past three months, I had even organized the files into actual logical categories (I must have been in a coma while doing this because not only do I not remember this at all, it's also unfortunately very out of character). Music, movies, eBooks, Photoshop and web designs... all there.

I'm not afraid to say that I pumped my fist in the air approximately three times and then hugged myself with glee. I actually did one of those things on the Epic To-Do List of All Eternity... those things that should get done sometime, but maybe tomorrow... yeah... that's a good idea. I finished one of those things! And my buying-a-new-computer experience got a whole lot more fun. I am extremely grateful!

Honorable Mention:

• Explaining this story to my best friend while genuinely feeling as though I'm a genius.

#1 Brand New Sheets and Bedding

There's nothing like a brand new set of super-soft sheets and bedding still wrinkled from the package. The smell of the plastic, the crispness of every fold. Making the bed perfectly, tucking in the sheets, puffing up the pillows. And then... squirming right in for a nap in the middle of the afternoon. Two brand new pillows, six shams, and a bedskirt later, the dog and I get to wiggle into this very bed.

Honorable Mentions:

• Early morning coffee with a good friend
• The wild rabbit visiting my front door

A Little About Gratitude

Gratitude equals wealth.

It's funny how the more we have, the more we receive. And the more we aggressively chase something, the longer it eludes us.

I'm prone to the desperate chase. I used to think that sheer will and hard work were the reasons behind my successes. Then I took a closer look. In actuality, the chase perpetuated the dream, the desire, the yearning. But I never really won the chase. It was in the moment I found a sliver of peace, a molecule of gratitude, that the race was won.

I've doggedly pursued my dream job only to go home, tell myself I had a terrible interview, and bawl my eyes out. In that fifteen minutes of sobbing, I let go of the outcome I desperately wanted, and began reasoning that the job I currently had was good too. No sooner had I blown my nose, than my new boss called to give me an offer.

I lost that dream job two years later and ended up in a miserable work environment. Although I sincerely prayed that I would be able to return to that job, it wasn't a plea of desperation. I sent my wish into the Universe and I gave it no restrictions. I didn't say "by this date" or "right NOW". I said my piece, and I forgot about it. Instead, I spent this past year attempting gratitude in the job I did have. Lo and behold, I found out I'll be returning to my dream job, with additional benefits and a pay raise in just one short month.

This is just one example of the power of gratitude. As I'm in this uncertain, transitional period in my life, I'm using this journal as an experiment. Do I really have to pursue all of my desires with such ferocity in order to get them? Or can I simply experience peace with what I have, put a little request into the Universe, and receive the things I desire with ease?

I've made list of ten things that I'd like to see come to fruition in my life. I plan to check back in with this list in one year and see how I've done. Of course, I know prayer has no time limits, but for the purposes of the experiment, I'd like to get a taste of the direction I'm headed. Some of these top ten are major, life-changing events. Others are more frivolous. We'll see where I am a year from now.

And now... what am I grateful for today?